Joy and Sorrow

It’s six am when a child arrives from the outpatient department. I can see his lips are blue and he is gasping. Lord help me help this child. The night nurse Kate is tired. We need oxygen. Get an ambubag. We need an IV. Check the blood sugar. The blood sugar is 19. Place an NG. Give dextrose. We need an IV. Bag the child he is gasping. Others arrive. Still there is no IV. His arms and legs are icy cold. We cannot get an O2 saturation reading. His heart is still pumping. Give him IM Ceftriaxone.  Finally we push dextrose through a jugular IV and the child begins to breathe on his own. The rapid diagnostic test for malaria is positive. Start quinine. Hours later the child is crying. An LP is done. The child is sitting up in his parents’ arms and…. drinking? I am amazed. At lunch I go home and dance before the Lord-it is miraculous. The Lord literally brought this child back from the dead. Late in the afternoon, Olive tells me the child is cold and the O2 sat is not registering. She is going to get some more blankets. Dread. I feel it as I move toward the bed. How can it be? The child is gasping again. I call for help. Amanda bring the ambubag. Is it possible this miracle is over so quickly? I cannot hear heartbeats. We are giving compressions and breaths. We give dextrose but the blood glucose is fine. There is nothing more to do. The body is still warm. How can this child be dead? I cannot believe this child is gone. Joy and Sorrow in such quick succession. Death is here. It is over. I comfort the crying mother. Olive prepares the body. The parents held their child a little longer. I think of Psalm 139. This day was written in His book before there was even one. I go to the lab to look for answers the LP result- normal, the electrolytes-normal. I go home to read about cardiogenic shock. “Myocardial insufficiency occurs with ongoing hypoxic ischemic injury, alterations of intravascular volume, electrolyte disturbances, arrhythmias, shock, heart failure and cardiac arrest may occur.” Another child dies needlessly of malaria. He had no bed net. There had been no indoor residual spraying in his village. No screens on the windows. No bug spray. No prophylactic antimalarials. I think God weeps as I do.